White Zombie (1932)

Who’s in ‘t?: Th’ scurvy Bela Lugosi

What’s ‘t about?: A lily-livered swabbie hires a pox-faced bilge-rat (Lugosi) in Haiti t’ enslave a beautiful lass t’ his will. Th’ lass’ husband objects.

How be ‘t?: Thar be only two good things about this movie. First, th’ sets an’ matte paintings create a fine, cliff-top castle fer Lugosi`s character t’inhabit an’ make a pleasin’ spot fer th’ climax. Second: Lugosi’s beard’s a right beauty. Other than that, th’ story be straightforward an’ dull, th’ actin’ be horrid, an’ th’ editin’ be non-existent. None o’ th’ characters act like real swabbies an’ th’ scenes drag on longer than a list o’ Blackbeard’s wives. Some o’ th’ zombies be a’frightenin’ t’ eyeball, but others be downright comical. None o’ them be as sound as th’ ones in Night o’ th’ Livin’ Dead.

Rating: Mutinous Bad.

(Today is National Talk Like a Pirate Day, that’s why)

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